A couple of months ago, I received a call from a special customer, Power. She said she needed coaching and that it was urgent. It was obvious she was having a personal crisis and wanted to begin straight away. In clarifying contract details, however, we made slow progress. “What is it you want to achieve with this coaching?” “I just want to come across better. I keep falling into the wrong hands. It’s so annoying!” I could see this wouldn’t get us anywhere. Also, Power seemed to be in a hurry, was irritable and mentioned her full schedule. So we made an appointment. Eagerly, I awaited our next meeting. A one on one appointment with Power! Who would have thought? When she entered the room, I felt the familiar quickening of my pulse. Any time I deal with her, it is always the same story. I can’t fight it, even though I know she can’t harm me. As always, Power had a quite impressive appearance. But today she seemed to be nervous and preoccupied, which is unusual for her. I made Power a cup of coffee and leaned back to let her talk. She said she didn’t have many friends, but rather a bad reputation. She felt people eyed her with distrust. People were constantly assuming that she had bad intentions, were suspicious of her, found her arrogant and disagreeable. And she didn’t even stand a chance with women. Many of them didn’t want anything to do with her, because they felt she would make them unattractive and unpopular and they said she just made too much dirt and, consequently, work. They avoided her like carbs after seven or like the thought of getting a pet. For some, it was just full-fledged fear. She just couldn’t understand. Her realistic self-approach stunned me.
“And all this leads to…?” Maybe that was the wrong question. A tirade ensued about the wicked world we live in, complaints about men, but also some women that she let herself in with by pure necessity and who were not only ruining her image, but also weren’t doing her much good personally. Oddly, these people seemed to become more attractive by being associated with her, for her it was the opposite. Only very few sensible people were interested in having any contact with her. She felt used and misunderstood. All of this used to be normal and all, but especially since the sixties she had been hoping to find a new image. I knew that for Power, fifty years must seem like the day before yesterday. She is as old as human kind, after all. Still, I was intrigued. “So what have you tried since the sixties?” Power was a bit abashed. She mumbled something along the lines of flowers and peace, self-encounters and “experiments”, nothing very precise. Even the most rigorous questions didn’t catch bait, much less the run-of-the-mill question “what else?”. For whatever reason, the questions didn’t seem to be taking effect. Or maybe she just wasn’t able to acknowledge it.
I was getting impatient: “Listen. I’ve understood what you are fed up with. And also that things have gotten worse the past few years with smaller and bigger tyrants popping up all over the place… But back to you: How can we make this coaching worth your money? You are much older, much more experienced and more influential than I am. I can only help you if you tell me what you want. We both know you have better things to do with your time than complain.” Power was silent. “A change of image, I guess.” “What kind of image change? What would it look like?” “I don’t know! You tell me! I thought you were the professional!” There it was again. My pulse skyrocketed. I tried to stay calm: “My profession consists mainly in asking the right questions, even though I have to admit, that in your case, I have hitherto had only modest success. Maybe you could tell me a little more about the people with whom the new image has been showing some first hopeful signs. Can you think of anything? Just so I can get an impression…” She got quiet again and looked out the window for a while. I held my breath. Finally, she relaxed a bit and began to talk: “There are a couple of people, they just take me. I like them. They make the effort of taking on leading roles, shaping the community around them – both on a small and a large scale. In politics, businesses, clubs and associations, churches. They make use of the spaces I provide them with. I love working with them. They put up with hostilities, solve problems, stoically endure the flow of never ending trivialities that always get in between their plans to move bigger things. I admire them and often marvel at their perseverance.” “And you would like more of that?” “Yes, I would like more of that.” “What is the difference between these people and those that get on your nerves?” This time, her answer came bubbling out all at once: “They take me, but not completely. They distribute me right away. They make extensive considerations, but also, they seize opportunities, when they think it’s necessary. Their words are friendly, but firm. They make mistakes and admit them. They put up with a lot, but not everything. They grant themselves and others freedom. And love.” She was silent. We both were. I was still pondering about suggesting a team supervision with Love and Freedom, when she rose. “Well, that’s a start”, she said, uncommonly mild by her standards . “I need to go. You will hear from me.”
Wiebke Witt